1 00:00:00,114 --> 00:00:03,470 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,505 --> 00:00:06,740 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:06,775 --> 00:00:10,610 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,645 --> 00:00:13,546 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,582 --> 00:00:16,883 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:16,918 --> 00:00:20,220 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:22,085 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,116 --> 00:00:23,413 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,452 --> 00:00:28,762 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:29,105 --> 00:00:33,973 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 11 00:00:33,976 --> 00:00:36,710 We now return to The Terminator. 12 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,213 I've been sent here from the future. 13 00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,183 I have to have sex with your housekeeper to save humanity. 14 00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:44,217 What? 15 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,552 Bring me your housekeeper! 16 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,287 I have to have sex with her now! 17 00:00:47,322 --> 00:00:48,688 I'm the Terminator! 18 00:00:48,724 --> 00:00:49,990 I don't have a housekeeper. 19 00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:51,124 And I think you're just 20 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,759 present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger. 21 00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:54,394 No, I am a machine. 22 00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:57,364 Every second I'm not having sex with a housekeeper, 23 00:00:57,399 --> 00:01:00,133 robots are killing people in the future. 24 00:01:00,169 --> 00:01:02,135 Okay, I finish for the day. 25 00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:03,403 You lied to me! 26 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,971 You do have a housekeeper! 27 00:01:05,007 --> 00:01:07,648 Let's go make a large-faced boy. 28 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,611 Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop. 29 00:01:11,647 --> 00:01:14,514 Peter, it's me, and you're an adult man drinking in a bar. 30 00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,882 Anyway, sorry I'm late. 31 00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:18,351 The pantry down at the station needed new shelf paper. 32 00:01:18,387 --> 00:01:20,053 That's what they got you doing down there? 33 00:01:20,088 --> 00:01:22,456 Well, that, and I'm also in charge of the office gerbil. 34 00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:25,625 And let me tell you, Lieutenant Nibbles is quite a handful. 35 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:27,928 He'll only eat real cheese, not processed. 36 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,230 You buy special cheese for a gerbil? 37 00:01:30,265 --> 00:01:32,065 Yeah, I have to, he outranks me. 38 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,700 Jeez, Joe, what the hell happened? 39 00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:36,169 You used to be this badass cop out there on the street, 40 00:01:36,205 --> 00:01:38,205 busting heads and keeping us safe. 41 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,374 Well, it may not sound exciting, but I play an important role. 42 00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,109 I go through all the body cam footage 43 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,679 and take out all the parts where the cops go pee-pee. 44 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,582 So you're just erasing cop wieners all day? 45 00:01:48,617 --> 00:01:50,750 Eh, not erasing, sort of cutting them together 46 00:01:50,786 --> 00:01:53,019 into a funny montage we show on birthdays. 47 00:01:53,055 --> 00:01:55,555 Speaking of which, Flannigan's got the big "four-oh" coming up. 48 00:01:55,591 --> 00:01:56,590 Got to go. 49 00:01:57,791 --> 00:02:00,460 Man, you guys think Joe's as happy as he says he is, 50 00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,329 just doing all that desk work? 51 00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:05,332 No way, he's just putting lipstick on a pig. 52 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,967 This is called "Crimson Sky." 53 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:08,134 What do you think? 54 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,302 Mmm. 55 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,437 Harold? 56 00:02:10,472 --> 00:02:11,605 Get this off of me! 57 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,507 What are you doing in the women's department? 58 00:02:13,542 --> 00:02:15,141 Uh, waiting for you. 59 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,843 Well, I'm ready. Let's go. 60 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,202 Who are you? 61 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,990 Ugh, she just put her tampons on top of the bread. 62 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,292 Take the groceries out, we got start over. 63 00:02:32,327 --> 00:02:35,495 Mom, can I go barehand raisins from the bulk aisle? 64 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,730 Okay, but if you get caught, 65 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:39,266 just say, "oopsie-poopsie," like a simpleton. 66 00:02:40,235 --> 00:02:41,968 Hey, watch your fat arms! 67 00:02:42,004 --> 00:02:44,638 Excuse me, ma'am, your little girl dropped her teddy bear. 68 00:02:44,673 --> 00:02:45,639 What? 69 00:02:45,674 --> 00:02:47,107 "Little girl"? 70 00:02:48,243 --> 00:02:50,043 Yeah, she hates it when she drops that. 71 00:02:50,078 --> 00:02:53,113 He's actually a little boy, but thank you very much. 72 00:02:53,148 --> 00:02:54,814 Did she just think I was a girl? 73 00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:56,316 Why would she think that? 74 00:02:56,351 --> 00:02:58,285 I don't know, maybe she saw you try to throw that feather 75 00:02:58,287 --> 00:02:59,553 in the yard yesterday. 76 00:02:59,588 --> 00:03:01,856 Hey, don't watch me when I'm doing stuff. 77 00:03:01,859 --> 00:03:03,223 What are you doing, kid? 78 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,190 Those aren't free! 79 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,192 Oopsie-poopsie! 80 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,861 Aw, God bless you. 81 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,663 Help yourself. 82 00:03:20,008 --> 00:03:20,974 Car trouble? 83 00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:22,208 Ah, son of a bitch, Joe! 84 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,364 Didn't even hear you coming. 85 00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:25,946 Yeah, I'm kind of quiet on grass. 86 00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:30,517 Thanks for giving me a ride, Joe. 87 00:03:30,552 --> 00:03:32,085 Hey, since we're in a cop car, 88 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,560 let's talk about our hunches and how something doesn't add up. 89 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:35,655 All right. 90 00:03:35,691 --> 00:03:38,491 I have a hunch Madea's not really a girl. 91 00:03:38,527 --> 00:03:40,594 Yeah, something doesn't add up about that. 92 00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:41,962 All units, 93 00:03:41,997 --> 00:03:44,230 reports of a drug deal in progress at Fifth and Maple. 94 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:45,231 Shots fired. 95 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,866 Suspect possibly armed. 96 00:03:46,902 --> 00:03:50,036 Well, shots fired, so definitely armed, duh. 97 00:03:50,072 --> 00:03:51,204 Dispatch much? 98 00:03:51,239 --> 00:03:52,672 Sorry, guys. 99 00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,074 Fifth and Maple? That's right near here. 100 00:03:54,076 --> 00:03:55,141 We got to go! 101 00:03:55,177 --> 00:03:56,876 No can do, I got to go to the station 102 00:03:56,912 --> 00:03:58,745 and tidy up the bulletin board. 103 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,447 No one's biting on those guitar lessons. 104 00:04:00,482 --> 00:04:01,581 What are you talking about? 105 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,216 There's a drug deal going down! 106 00:04:03,251 --> 00:04:06,019 Peter, there's a lot you don't understand about police work. 107 00:04:06,054 --> 00:04:07,921 What's to understand? I watch TV. 108 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,048 Come on, Joe, let's put this 70's siren on your car and go. 109 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,294 Did you just wipe a booger on my roof? 110 00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:15,895 Let's go! Let's go! 111 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:21,468 Oh, crap! Cops! 112 00:04:21,503 --> 00:04:22,502 That's the house! 113 00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:25,739 Hold on, Peter, we can't go in there. 114 00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,007 We got to wait for backup. 115 00:04:27,042 --> 00:04:28,775 The hell we do! 116 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,176 Peter! 117 00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:32,012 Reach for the stars! 118 00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,054 What? 119 00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:35,324 I think he's telling us to follow our dreams. 120 00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:36,293 Where are the drugs? 121 00:04:36,296 --> 00:04:37,362 What are you doing? 122 00:04:37,365 --> 00:04:39,753 You are violating all kinds of procedures! 123 00:04:39,788 --> 00:04:41,554 There's no drugs here, pig. 124 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,292 Ah-ha! No drugs, huh? 125 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:47,694 Well, what do you call this? 126 00:04:47,729 --> 00:04:49,195 And I'll bet there's more where that came from. 127 00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:52,365 They're trying to flush their stash! 128 00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:54,801 Nice try, scumbag, 129 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,019 but I got your squishy drugs right here. 130 00:04:57,022 --> 00:04:58,104 Uh-oh. 131 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,140 Peter, hand me my gun and get out of here! 132 00:05:00,142 --> 00:05:01,641 I could get fired for this! 133 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:05,412 And I can't go back to my job as a magician's assistant. 134 00:05:07,616 --> 00:05:10,283 And now, to pull the two sides apart. 135 00:05:12,372 --> 00:05:14,572 And wiggle your toes! 136 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,291 I said, wiggle your toes! 137 00:05:18,326 --> 00:05:19,693 Yeah, that's, uh, 138 00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:22,862 that's why I wanted to talk to you before the show. 139 00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:28,935 What's up, dudes? 140 00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:30,370 Stewie, what the hell is all this? 141 00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:32,772 Uh, only the most manly thing ever. 142 00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:35,875 A little something called American football. 143 00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:37,744 Is that a Michael Sam jersey? 144 00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,279 Yep. Two boy names. 145 00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:40,714 Doubly masculine. 146 00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:42,148 - Like George Michael? - Shut up! 147 00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:44,017 Come on, Stewie, are you still hung up about 148 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,292 that woman at the grocery store thinking you were a girl? 149 00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,587 Elton John. 150 00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:48,621 Is another. 151 00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:50,256 It has nothing to do with that, Brian. 152 00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:52,625 I just thought it'd be good to take up a sport. 153 00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:54,094 You know, like boys do. 154 00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:56,362 You don't have to play football to prove you're a boy. 155 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:57,797 Barney Frank. 156 00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,632 Is yet another one. 157 00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:00,667 Chris, please. 158 00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:01,701 Actually, you know what? Ricky Martin. 159 00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:03,002 There's a bunch of these. 160 00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,637 Anyway, they're not gonna let you play football, Stewie. 161 00:06:04,639 --> 00:06:05,605 You're too little. 162 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,840 Oh, don't worry. 163 00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:08,875 I'm gonna be bad news for the other team. 164 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,144 And nobody likes bad news. 165 00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:14,180 Except for Larry, the Self-Loathing Idiot. 166 00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:17,517 Larry, I'm afraid you only have three months to live. 167 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,692 Swanson! 168 00:06:25,727 --> 00:06:27,861 I need to see you right now! 169 00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:31,564 Captain. 170 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,799 Lieutenant. 171 00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,201 You had no business participating in that raid 172 00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:36,603 at Fifth and Maple. 173 00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:38,238 I know that, Captain. I'm sorry that I... 174 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,506 But I'm glad you did. 175 00:06:39,541 --> 00:06:40,940 Excuse me? 176 00:06:40,976 --> 00:06:43,676 You brought down one of the biggest drug rings in Quahog. 177 00:06:43,712 --> 00:06:45,712 Above and beyond, Swanson. 178 00:06:45,747 --> 00:06:47,347 Well, sir, I... 179 00:06:47,382 --> 00:06:49,149 I'm just like any other cop. 180 00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:51,618 My wife puts on my pants one leg at a time. 181 00:06:51,653 --> 00:06:53,920 I appreciate your modesty, but nice work. 182 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,222 It's hard to believe you did that all by yourself. 183 00:06:56,258 --> 00:06:59,492 Yep, did it all by myself, I did, I did. 184 00:06:59,528 --> 00:07:02,495 My little lonesome, says I. 185 00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:04,731 That's weird phrasing, but I'll tell you this, Swanson, 186 00:07:04,766 --> 00:07:06,166 you keep up this kind of work, 187 00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:08,201 there'll be no more grocery runs for you. 188 00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:10,203 You'll be back on the street full-time. 189 00:07:10,238 --> 00:07:11,504 Thank you, Captain. 190 00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,773 Sir? 191 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,096 Thank you, sir. 192 00:07:22,369 --> 00:07:23,602 Hey, Peter. 193 00:07:23,637 --> 00:07:26,071 You know, I was just thinking about how much fun we had 194 00:07:26,106 --> 00:07:28,340 the other day, and wondered if you'd want to join me 195 00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:29,908 for another ride-along. 196 00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:32,177 Well, yeah, but I-I thought you said I couldn't do that 197 00:07:32,212 --> 00:07:33,378 'cause you'd get in trouble. 198 00:07:33,414 --> 00:07:34,880 Eh, it'll be our little secret. 199 00:07:34,915 --> 00:07:35,914 All right. 200 00:07:35,949 --> 00:07:37,149 Hey, can I drive the car? 201 00:07:37,184 --> 00:07:39,084 - Yeah, I guess I can let you drive. - Awesome! 202 00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,353 Hey, and-and can we go slow up to a homeless guy 203 00:07:41,388 --> 00:07:43,321 and go "joop-joop" and see what he does? 204 00:07:43,357 --> 00:07:44,489 That's half the job. 205 00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:46,224 So, what do you say? You think you're up to it? 206 00:07:46,226 --> 00:07:47,292 You bet I am. 207 00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:48,927 I'm in the best shape of my life. 208 00:07:48,962 --> 00:07:51,763 I've been working my Dave Matthews Punching Bag. 209 00:07:51,799 --> 00:07:53,698 Thank you very much for using me today. 210 00:07:56,403 --> 00:07:57,969 This isn't annoying enough. 211 00:07:58,005 --> 00:07:59,572 I need my David Lee Roth bag. 212 00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:12,884 Wow. So these are the wife-beaters of tomorrow. 213 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,653 Which team is Stewie gonna be on? 214 00:08:14,688 --> 00:08:16,154 He's not gonna be on any team. 215 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,957 He's just overcompensating, because he was called a girl. 216 00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:21,660 But once he sees how big the other kids are, he'll back out. 217 00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:24,696 Ooh! My shoes have 12 little heels. 218 00:08:24,731 --> 00:08:25,797 They're cleats! 219 00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:28,166 Okay, kids, let's start practice. 220 00:08:28,202 --> 00:08:29,367 Yeah! Football! 221 00:08:29,403 --> 00:08:31,036 Boy stuff. Hitting the shower. 222 00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:32,170 Getting embarrassed. 223 00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:33,271 Going home to shower. 224 00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:34,773 Okay, Stewie, enough is enough. 225 00:08:34,808 --> 00:08:36,508 All right, let's-let's get you out of here. 226 00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,383 Yeah, you probably should get him out of there, 227 00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:39,945 'cause he's just a little shrimp. 228 00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,580 Uh, okay, thank you. 229 00:08:41,615 --> 00:08:42,714 I mean, look at him. 230 00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:44,549 My Tyler would kill him out there. 231 00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:45,917 Okay, well, believe me, there's 232 00:08:45,953 --> 00:08:47,118 there's more to him than you think. 233 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,086 Come on, Stewie. 234 00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:49,888 You know, ballet is great exercise. 235 00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:52,390 Maybe you should put short stack in a tutu. 236 00:08:52,426 --> 00:08:53,625 No, you know what, Stewie? 237 00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,193 Get the hell out on that field! 238 00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,462 And if you see that Tyler, take his knee out. 239 00:08:57,498 --> 00:08:58,497 All right, let's do it! 240 00:08:58,532 --> 00:08:59,531 Football game! 241 00:08:59,566 --> 00:09:02,133 Then, reminder, showering at home. 242 00:09:02,169 --> 00:09:05,170 Okay, I guess we'll see who's got the toughest kid here. 243 00:09:05,205 --> 00:09:06,638 Yeah, I guess we will. 244 00:09:09,042 --> 00:09:10,008 Hey! 245 00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,077 Oopsie-poopsie! 246 00:09:12,112 --> 00:09:13,478 Aw. 247 00:10:26,019 --> 00:10:27,319 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 248 00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,787 Our top story tonight: 249 00:10:28,822 --> 00:10:30,488 local news anchor too professional 250 00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:33,258 to laugh at penis poked through hole in cue card. 251 00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:35,727 But first, earlier today at city hall, 252 00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:37,495 the mayor honored a hero cop 253 00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:39,998 who has foiled a string of recent crimes. 254 00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:42,968 Good afternoon, we had a budget meeting that ran long, 255 00:10:43,003 --> 00:10:44,769 so I'm gonna eat my lunch 256 00:10:44,805 --> 00:10:48,073 while I hold this press conference. 257 00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:49,941 Ooh, my favorite! 258 00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:52,711 Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox. 259 00:10:52,746 --> 00:10:55,046 I'm gonna now shake this up 260 00:10:55,082 --> 00:10:58,550 like a lady in your office. 261 00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:01,286 Okay, while the dressing does its magic, 262 00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,822 let's honor Officer Joe Swanson, 263 00:11:03,857 --> 00:11:08,526 who single-handedly cut crime in Quahog by 75%. 264 00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,230 What? "Single-handedly"? 265 00:11:12,265 --> 00:11:15,667 Officer Swanson, as thanks from a grateful city, 266 00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:18,203 please accept this Certificate of Merit. 267 00:11:18,238 --> 00:11:23,108 And with that, I hereby declare this hero cop open! 268 00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:25,076 Whoa, sweet bod. 269 00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:26,711 You lift, bro? 270 00:11:26,747 --> 00:11:29,214 Damn it, I can't believe Joe's hogging all the credit. 271 00:11:29,249 --> 00:11:32,050 That bastard's just getting famous by tricking people. 272 00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:33,785 Like Orson Welles. 273 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:36,488 So the aliens have come to Earth 274 00:11:36,523 --> 00:11:38,923 to destroy all mankind. 275 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,192 And, uh... 276 00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:43,395 they're going to start at McDonald's. 277 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,798 So if you're in line there, you better run. 278 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,100 Whoa, whoa! N-Not the workers, though. 279 00:11:49,136 --> 00:11:52,070 They've already said the workers are safe. 280 00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:59,477 Excuse me, Coach Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...? 281 00:11:59,513 --> 00:12:00,645 It's Herrera. 282 00:12:00,681 --> 00:12:02,313 Okay, well that's a lot of Rs, but listen, 283 00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:04,082 I-I noticed you're not starting Stewie. 284 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,517 Oh, I can't put him in. 285 00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:07,152 I mean, he can come out for limp handshakes 286 00:12:07,154 --> 00:12:09,721 at the end of the game, but I can't play him. He's too little. 287 00:12:09,724 --> 00:12:10,588 "Little"? 288 00:12:10,624 --> 00:12:12,424 Oh, like that car you drive over there? 289 00:12:12,459 --> 00:12:15,460 Let's see if it looks bigger when I throw a Sprite at it. 290 00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,330 Well, that's not my car, but I don't care, 291 00:12:19,366 --> 00:12:21,099 I'm just a volunteer. 292 00:12:21,134 --> 00:12:22,667 All right, Griffin, get in there! 293 00:12:26,373 --> 00:12:29,340 Come on, Stewie, give your dog something to post on Facebook! 294 00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:31,443 Something to post on Facebook, let's go. 295 00:12:34,781 --> 00:12:36,648 All right, and nobody's blocking. 296 00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:40,518 Oh, my God. Stewie! 297 00:12:41,488 --> 00:12:42,921 Are you okay? 298 00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:44,656 Back off! He may have a concussion. 299 00:12:44,691 --> 00:12:45,757 A concussion? 300 00:12:45,792 --> 00:12:47,926 You do me an honor, Lieutenant, 301 00:12:47,961 --> 00:12:51,262 but my dance card is full. 302 00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:57,802 Officer Swanson, as you requested, 303 00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,971 here's a big stack of all the cases you cracked. 304 00:13:00,006 --> 00:13:02,841 Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go ahead and brood over a photo 305 00:13:02,876 --> 00:13:06,478 of the girl whose case was the one I couldn't solve. 306 00:13:06,513 --> 00:13:09,414 Your '70s sweater and feathered hair let people know 307 00:13:09,449 --> 00:13:11,816 this is a cold case. 308 00:13:11,852 --> 00:13:14,819 Well, hello, Officer Swanson. 309 00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:16,554 Peter? What are you doing? 310 00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,223 You're not supposed to be here. 311 00:13:18,258 --> 00:13:21,826 I saw you on TV, hogging all the credit for my police work. 312 00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:24,629 Look, I told you, I need you to be a silent partner on this. 313 00:13:24,664 --> 00:13:26,831 The truth is I could get in a lot of trouble. 314 00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:30,034 Oh, I see. You need me to be the bad cop who kicks all the ass 315 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,936 and then I'm supposed to be quiet about it? 316 00:13:31,972 --> 00:13:34,372 Well, my silence is gonna cost you. 317 00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:35,440 What are you saying? 318 00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:37,675 I'm saying you get stuff, I want stuff. 319 00:13:37,711 --> 00:13:39,144 I've seen that evidence locker. 320 00:13:39,179 --> 00:13:41,045 I know you got Discmans in there. 321 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,014 I want a murdered jogger's Discman. 322 00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:44,749 Peter, you know I can't do that. 323 00:13:44,785 --> 00:13:47,285 Yeah? Well, maybe I accidentally reveal 324 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,320 that you're not the hero everyone thinks you are 325 00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:50,722 and that you've been letting your neighbor 326 00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,357 do all kinds of cop stuff. 327 00:13:52,392 --> 00:13:54,225 You wouldn't do that, would you? 328 00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:55,493 You bet I would. 329 00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,695 And one more thing. 330 00:13:57,731 --> 00:13:59,097 Peter asked me to do this. 331 00:13:59,132 --> 00:14:00,899 He, he said it's something from before. 332 00:14:00,934 --> 00:14:02,921 I, I don't know, I... I hope it's funny. 333 00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:12,557 All right, I'm here. But why did you want me to bring this? 334 00:14:12,604 --> 00:14:14,751 I'll tell you why. You're getting all the credit 335 00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,320 for my police work, so I want stuff from you. 336 00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:19,589 I want a minute in your house with this shopping cart, 337 00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:20,957 like Supermarket Sweep. 338 00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,258 Here, time me. 339 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:25,128 Peter, you expect me to let you ransack my house? 340 00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:27,597 Well, unless you'd rather I spill the beans to the chief 341 00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:30,066 about who's been doing your dirty work. 342 00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:32,001 Okay, go. 343 00:14:34,005 --> 00:14:35,838 Aw, sweet, board games! 344 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,666 I'm taking the cannon from your Monopoly! 345 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:39,976 Why is Peter in the house? 346 00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:42,078 It's a police matter, Bonnie! 347 00:14:42,113 --> 00:14:44,247 Hey, how come Kevin's room is locked? 348 00:14:44,282 --> 00:14:45,882 He just wants some privacy! 349 00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,617 It's locked from the outside! 350 00:14:47,652 --> 00:14:49,385 Don't open it, Peter! 351 00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:53,289 Hi, baby. Hi, baby. 352 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,891 Get out of Susie's room! 353 00:14:57,028 --> 00:15:00,063 Your stuff sucks. I didn't need the full minute. 354 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,363 Hey, Stewie, how's our little concussion guy? 355 00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:12,608 Oh, my God. Can you, can you see me? 356 00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,711 Yeah, I know, I'm fine, I'm fine. 357 00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:17,246 I-Is anybody gonna answer that telephone? 358 00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:19,749 He keeps thinking the phone is ringing, Brian. 359 00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:21,217 Well, at least he's talking again. 360 00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,652 I think that means he's getting better. 361 00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:24,454 Is it day or night? 362 00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:26,456 I don't, I don't care, I just want to know. 363 00:15:26,491 --> 00:15:27,957 Lois, answer the bloody phone! 364 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,759 N-No, no! W-we don't need Lois. 365 00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,461 Chris, pretend to answer the phone. 366 00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:33,329 Oh, uh, hello? 367 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,698 Okay. Yes, one second. 368 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,600 Mom, it's for you! 369 00:15:37,635 --> 00:15:39,035 What? No! Damn it, Chris! 370 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,737 Um, um... I'll, I'll take that. 371 00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:42,672 Hello, this is Brian Griffin. 372 00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:45,274 Actually, I already receive The New York Times, 373 00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:48,544 and I always enjoy finishing the crossword puzzle. 374 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,513 You're bragging to nobody? 375 00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:51,848 Phone's still ringing. 376 00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,683 Crap, Chris, he's worse off than I thought. 377 00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:55,018 We have to do something. 378 00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:57,220 Well, on TV if somebody gets hit on the head, 379 00:15:57,255 --> 00:16:00,690 you hit them a second time and that gets them back to normal. 380 00:16:00,725 --> 00:16:02,258 No, no, Chris. This is very serious. 381 00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:05,161 You see, what a concussion is is the impact of brain matter 382 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:06,929 on the inside of the skull. 383 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,925 That's why you sometimes hear this nonsense about, 384 00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:10,500 "Oh, let's just give them better helmets." 385 00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:13,236 But you can't make a helmet for the inside... 386 00:16:13,271 --> 00:16:14,737 Chris, are you crazy? 387 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,907 Shh. Let's just let him sleep this off. 388 00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,742 Look how peaceful he is. 389 00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:22,545 I wonder what's going on in that little head of his. 390 00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:28,284 ♪ The world looks mighty good to me ♪ 391 00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:31,821 ♪ 'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see ♪ 392 00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:35,058 ♪ Whatever it is I think I see ♪ 393 00:16:35,093 --> 00:16:39,195 ♪ Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me! ♪ 394 00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:45,668 Joe, is something wrong? 395 00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:48,805 I didn't hear you crying in the shower this morning. 396 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,840 I'm just dealing with some stuff at work. 397 00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,809 But everything's going so well. 398 00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,677 You've been getting all those commendations 399 00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:58,648 and my online handmade lip balm business is really taking off. 400 00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:00,403 I don't even know what you're talking about. 401 00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,118 Well, I'm proud of you. 402 00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:05,221 And you should be proud of yourself. 403 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,660 I want these: rechargeable heated mittens. 404 00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,728 Write it down. 405 00:17:12,764 --> 00:17:14,063 Forget it, Peter. 406 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,598 I'm done being blackmailed by you. 407 00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:16,766 Oh, yeah? 408 00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:18,034 Well, fine, but remember, 409 00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:19,771 you're nothing without your muscle. 410 00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:21,304 Any available unit, 411 00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:24,340 we have a report of an armed robbery in progress. 412 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,809 Go on, hero cop. You don't need me. 413 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:30,913 Well, uh, maybe you and I could do one last bust 414 00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:32,215 for old time's sake. 415 00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,183 Yes! All right, let's do it. Let's go be heroes. 416 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,219 Like the designated Shriver. 417 00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:40,323 Is there a skeleton with a wig that can drive me home? 418 00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:41,724 I can. 419 00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:43,326 Look at this mess! 420 00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:45,895 Where is the housekeeper? 421 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,635 Well, you already look better. 422 00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:54,103 The doctor should be in any minute. 423 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,206 Chris, what the hell? 424 00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,743 There is a room where you can go in and just get free people. 425 00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:03,312 Yeah, you should give that back. 426 00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,149 Look, I'm really sorry I let you get hurt, Stewie. 427 00:18:06,184 --> 00:18:08,451 I never should've pushed you into that game. 428 00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:09,852 Oh, it's not your fault. 429 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:12,421 I just have to accept that I'm not a man 430 00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:14,123 and I'm never going to be one. 431 00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,439 That's ridiculous. You can't let 432 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:18,728 what one woman says in a grocery store define who you are. 433 00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,263 Mom and Dad said it, too. 434 00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,565 I heard it through a vent in the wall. 435 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,200 Hey, knock, knock. 436 00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:25,368 Coach Herrera? 437 00:18:25,403 --> 00:18:26,736 You came to see Stewie? 438 00:18:26,771 --> 00:18:29,805 Yeah, I wanted to check in on this tough little guy. 439 00:18:29,841 --> 00:18:31,674 "Tough little guy"? 440 00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:34,010 It takes a real man to take a hit like that. 441 00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:36,145 Feel better, sport. 442 00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,880 How about that? 443 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,515 "Real man." 444 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:40,883 See? I told you, Stewie. 445 00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:42,485 You're a big, tough boy. 446 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,287 Yes, I guess I am. 447 00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:45,488 That may be, Stewie. 448 00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:47,790 But if I were you, I'd stay off the field. 449 00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:50,760 Concussions are the number one problem in football today. 450 00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:52,828 Recent brain scan studies have shown... 451 00:18:54,699 --> 00:18:58,167 ...that brain injuries are directly linked to dementia 452 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,636 and suicides in former players! 453 00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,605 Yet the league... 454 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,642 You can play the music louder but you can't silence the truth! 455 00:19:09,747 --> 00:19:11,147 Peter, slow down! 456 00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:12,848 No can do, Joe. I'm all hopped up 457 00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:15,351 'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack. 458 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:19,188 I also got some of it in my eyes. 459 00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,159 Am I getting them? Am I getting the robbers? 460 00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:26,329 Peter, put the gun down! 461 00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,364 On the floor, punks. 462 00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:29,832 Everybody dies. 463 00:19:31,035 --> 00:19:33,169 My already-irritated eyes! 464 00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:38,941 Aw, damn it, Peter! 465 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,310 This is Officer Swanson, I need backup at... 466 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,280 Ow! They're beating me with vaping accessories! 467 00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:46,983 Forget it, there's no time. 468 00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,752 Freeze, police! 469 00:19:49,787 --> 00:19:52,255 Too late, Joe. I already identify with my captors. 470 00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,490 Don't hurt Max and Ken. 471 00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:16,946 Holy crap, Joe. That was freaking amazing! 472 00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,214 You kicked their ass! 473 00:20:18,249 --> 00:20:20,383 You're right, I guess I did. 474 00:20:20,418 --> 00:20:21,751 And without my help. 475 00:20:21,786 --> 00:20:23,753 See, this is the Joe I remember. 476 00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:27,256 You know, maybe you had it in you all along. 477 00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:30,326 Wow. I guess I just got ground down by years 478 00:20:30,361 --> 00:20:32,528 of people treating me like an errand boy, 479 00:20:32,563 --> 00:20:35,431 and I just let them walk all over me. 480 00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:37,867 You know, you were a real pain in the butt as a partner, 481 00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:40,102 but you helped me find myself again. 482 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:41,537 Thanks, Peter. 483 00:20:41,572 --> 00:20:43,406 You're welcome, Joe. 484 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:46,642 Excuse me, do you have any Tab soda I can bring back 485 00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:49,712 to the sex dungeon where I've been held captive for decades? 486 00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,314 Ma'am, this is a crime scene. 487 00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:54,450 I'm gonna have to ask you to move along. 488 00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:57,257 You're right, Peter. I'm a pretty good cop.